Positive aspects for women of dating a shy guy

06 May

Pretty much anywhere you go, men are conceived as the “horndog gender.” Men are viewed as the ones who will always want sex more, who are always quicker to sexualize a relationship, to make things about sex.And this does create a bit of a problem, especially in heterosexual contexts.For men, what should be a simple interaction involving something women generally also want (sex) turns into a complex game of wooing and seduction – in fact, for this precise reason, “seduction communities” that pretty much cater exclusively to heterosexual men’s desires to be more confident and convincing around women, have sprung up everywhere.Men have to learn to walk an often-thin line around sex – or else risk being “friend-zoned,” marginalized, or even shunned.Once you put ubiquitous sexualization of the female gender together with dogmatic beauty norms [about everything from flat stomachs to hairless body parts to “ladylike” kinds of behavior] it’s a sexual Molotov cocktail: This is true even in cultures with a rich history of feminist dialogue – the message still lurks in the background anyway: Big Brother is watching you – and judging you by how you present your sexuality in everything you do, from how you walk, to how you talk, to how you wear your hair and clothes, to how you laugh and eat and socialize and look at others. And one more thing, lest anybody get confused: that “Big Brother” I refer to can also very often appear in the form of “Big Sister.” It’s really not as simple as “male domination,” or “patriarchy”; there’s plenty of female-on-female sexism and sexual objectification going around also – something to which most women could quite quickly attest.Those women who judge other women by their conformity to the “standard model of attractiveness” ain’t doing it because men told them to do it.

Then there are the social norms about what as attractive – norms that individual women have no control over. Your actions, as a woman, always have a possible sexual aspect attached to them, like it or not.Then there’s the other side of this: women very often face a reality in which sex is an annoyingly central marker of their existence.Everything a woman does is potentially sexualized, and thus, even when a woman desire sex (often to the same degree or even more than men do), she has to take steps to make sure all the other things she desires are not completely left behind.Remember also that before the most recent times, there was precious little history of feminist movements showing women how to take control and be self-sufficient, and you’ve got a situation where choice regarding which man a heterosexual woman sleeps with was a monstrous one – it’s very possible she would literally be signing her life away.Please don’t forget, this history has helped to develop the habits our grandparents passed to our parents, which then passed to us – and sexually, one of those habits is to instill a much higher level of sexual consciousness in girls than in boys, as a result of everything I have just mentioned.